The Post You've Been Waiting For

Once upon a time, in a tropical land about a 3 hour flight away, a beautiful Princess and her handsome Prince took a long overdue vacation.

They spent their days lounging in royal cabanas and sipping majestical concoctions.

It was a time of peace.

They were glad to be away from their two whiny, needy obedient and polite little Princes, whom they left at home in their suburban, albeit outdated, castle.

One evening, the Princess and the Prince found themselves in a local tavern guzzling responsibly drinking pints of local ale.

They were mocking enjoying the live music of a Spanish guitar player, who was butchering performing a unique rendition of Hotel California, when a middle aged, bottle-blond Maiden approached them.

"Help! Help me, dear, handsome Prince," she cried as she cowered behind the Prince's bar stool.

"Whatever is the matter?" the big, strong Prince inquired.

"There is a Warlock! A dark and mysterious Warlock! Who has asked me to join him and his wench in their chambers! He wishes the key to my chastity belt!" she answered with a shrill.

Suddenly, a dark haired man of South American descent appeared out of the crowd.

"Feel my tight buttocks," he bellowed, "Come on, you know you want to," he winked at the fair Maiden.

"No! Oh, my, no!" she cried as she took a drag from her marlboro.

The Warlock looked at the middle-aged-Maiden, then at the young Princess, and then back at the middle-aged Maiden.

"Fair-but-middle-aged Maiden," he began, "how about you, my wench and me get together and have a good time, yo?"

"No! No, take her!" the Maiden pointed to the beautiful, young Princess.

"No, not her," he shook his head, "she's not my type".

The young Princess sighed with relief and chugged the rest of her Corona Light.

Just then a highly intoxicated Wench stumbled in.

She pointed to the Warlock. "This here is me sister's husband, but she won't bang 'im so he's stays with me," she spoke in a Cockney accent, "and when I won't bang 'im he's gots 'imself a blowup lobster named Ruth."

[I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried]

"But me and 'im, we like to have company, if you get my drift," the Wench said to the fair-but-middle-aged Maiden.

"Bar Keep, another round!" the Warlock shouted.

The Wench, slurping down a mango daiquiri, winked at the Maiden, "Ye should feel his buttocks. Ye can bounce a wooden nickel off them!".

The Maiden, still shaking with fear and wondering if anyone had noticed she was over due for her monthly dye job, hoped upon all hope that the brave, handsome Prince would come to her rescue.

"I, the Brave Prince, will take one for the team and come to your rescue, fair-but-middle-aged-Maiden," the Prince announced as he threw back another bottle of Harpoon.

He turned around towards the Warlock and slapped his buttocks football-style.

"There!" the Prince declared, "Now, I demand that you leave this fair-but-middle-aged-bottle-blond Maiden be."

"Not before we all join in song," the Wench slurred.

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog...he was a good friend of miiine...I never understood a single word he said but I helped him drink his wiiine," the Wench sang (in remarkable tune).

The Warlock, the Wench, the beautiful, young Princess, the brave, handsome Prince, and the fair-but-middle-aged Maiden stood together in harmony and sang Motown hits until the Bar Keeper kicked them out.

The End.